Help is at Hand

Vincent was teaching at the time but he was only teaching for a year before he died. He was a science teacher, he taught combined sciences, physics, biology and chemistry. It was all ages at secondary school and A-levels as well.

He also did a bit of tutoring as well, outside school, for people going in to do their A-levels or even going to university – helping them as well.

When he died we were married for seven years. I already had three children; Lucy the eldest, Samuel and then Jonathan. When their dad died I was expecting Alexis – I was six months pregnant.

How did you find out about the Benevolent Fund at the time?

We used to have the Royal Society of Chemistry magazine posted to us – I kept getting that every month and after he died his name was in there.

I would always look through it every month and I saw an article that said something about the Benevolent Fund. I didn’t know anything about the fund at the time and I thought I’d give them a ring to see what it entailed to get some help. 

I needed help at the time – it must have been about three years after my husband died – because I was struggling financially. So I plucked up courage to ring up and ask, just to see.  

So how were you feeling when you approached the Benevolent Fund?

I was going to go back into work but wanted to wait until Alexis was three or four – a few years ago it was hard to get your children into nursery – and with me being on my own, my dad was helping me out quite a lot and I thought I’d go back to work when Alexis was about four.

When my youngest was four, my dad died. Just as I was thinking about going back into work myself, my dad died and my mum became dependent on me – she had arthritis – and so it was quite difficult.

We lived in London at the time – my children were all brought up in London when they were younger – I have a lot of friends in London but we didn’t have much family in London at the time.

My mum said we might come back up north, so I said I would. That’s why we moved back up to Liverpool because all our family was there.

You must have been feeling low at that stage?

Seems to me it’s every four years that something drastic happens. Four years after my dad died I got diagnosed with cancer – I had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and was told by the doctors there was no cure, they could only treat it, they couldn’t cure it.

So that was a turmoil. I had the children and they were only small at the time. Alexis was only eight, Lucy was at Lancaster doing Law, though she’d only been there half a year. She had to come out of university because I was on chemotherapy. I didn’t want her to – she was only 18 at the time – only a child herself.

Chemo went on for six months, it was really intense therapy and afterwards they said while it’s still not cured, it’s in remission, so Lucy went back to university.

Four years after that my mum died. Every time I was getting back to normal, getting back to myself, just getting back on top of things and feeling a bit normal. It’s been really stressful for about the last fourteen years, it’s just been one thing after the other.

So it was while you were going through these bad times that you contacted the Benevolent Fund…

I ended up talking to someone for about an hour and they sent me some forms to fill out. A couple of days later I got some forms through the post. I filled out some information about my husband and myself and a few weeks later the Royal Society of Chemistry offered me a grant.

At the time I was claiming income support – I just couldn’t manage at all with four children – they were all in education so I don’t know how I could cope with it. So it was a big relief to get the help from the RSC.

How was that initial phone call?

I felt somebody cared, really. She was really friendly and nice and very helpful – I felt very comfortable.

How did speaking to somebody and knowing there was some possible support there make you feel?

I was quite drained. I’d never really spoken to anybody about my situation so after the conversation it was quite a relief, a weight off my shoulders really, because everything was just mounting up and piling up with stress.

After speaking to the Benevolent Fund it was a relief. A volunteer visitor used to come out and see me and he was very helpful, so I felt I had a lot of support from you.

If it hadn’t been for the Benevolent Fund, how would you have managed?

Do you know what, I don’t know how. I don’t think I would have managed.

I would have struggled on but emotionally, I think I would have had a breakdown myself. Every time I picked myself up to do something, I was bombarded with something else that needed my time, which was like a full-time job in itself and not getting paid for it.

If you knew of any other member in a similar position to you, what would you say to them?

I’d say to them to trust the RSC because they are really helpful and supportive. They don’t make you feel uncomfortable or belittle you in any way. Just go ahead and do it.

How important is it that you have emotional support – it’s not just financial?

I know that if I did need any help – if I needed someone to talk to they have got volunteer visitors who can come out to your house – so I know it’s there. I’ve been there in the past and I’ve wanted it, so it’s really good that I know the support is there for me.

Did you find asking for help was a barrier that was difficult to overcome?

Only because of embarrassment really. Before I did call I was thinking it’s a charity and it was bad of me to call because there’s people who are less fortunate than I am. I am quite fortunate because I have got family. I just felt a bit rude, actually, ringing you. Swallow your pride and just remember that help is there.